Ice Station Zebra - The dream

In the arctic on an isolated ice station. Somebody is organizing a fashion show and I have to participate. I have to try the clothes for the show. It is strange but they want me to wear a mini skirt - black with tiny white dotes.and also black stockings and high heels. They say the mini skirt looks nice on me and I should do the fashion show with it. I wonder because I know I have fat legs. In another part of the station giant waves of freezing water are burg in in. freezing cold, violent, transparent. Many people are in the hall - it is like a busy airport in emergency situation. But I don't get wet from the water...
Somehow the water do not penetrate the hall. I am worried sick because my ski suit is in the other side of the station. I feel exposed and fear. pause
The water disappear and now it is ice, freezing from very low under zero temperatures, sometime the ice is painful and black from dirt. I slide a bathroom door and 2 wolves are coming out of the bathroom. The wolves are very skinny, weightless and move like they are made of paper. one of the wolves gets out of the hall and the other one sits in the middle in front of all the crowd. The wolf is not afraid of anybody.
I know the wolves are dangerous. I want to reach my ski suit but I know I cannot go out to the ice because many wolves, hungry, dangerous dwell there.
Someone gives me and idea to reach the other side via the air condition tunnels.
It is possible - maybe in that way I could fetch my ski suit and feel safe.

Final results - almost 9 kilos in 18 days and 9cm less around my waist

16:30, final consultation with the doctor. Almost 9 kilos lost in 18 days, 9cm less around my waist.

Yes. I am back on track and road ahead is illuminated and promising. Amen.

Healing Quest

I think nurse Korina is right. I should end the fast today so I can have a proper rehabilitation period in the clinic. I suffer during the nights, gas and she says enough.

I woke up around 7:00 am with a night mare: the river is quickly surfacing and washing from their playing beds little girls while they play while I take care of them, sing to them and laugh with them. Two of them are my little nieces and two of them are the daughters of a very sexy man that I like.

Again water, again tide and swarming and now not only threatening but drowning the little girls. All happened at the end of a long dream when I arrived to this house and to this man.

This is the little girl, the monster that I am looking for. The one who wants a legitimate room in my life with the "toys" she loves and the "sweets" she likes. Touching her is so frightening that the river is surfacing and a great flood is taking everything away, drowning the girl.

Last enema - yes, another fasting day no. I also promised at home that this would not be a fast quest but a healing quest. Not to conquest another fasting day but to reach a self transformation a turning point.

Flood of emotions - digging deeper

18^th day 00.23 am

"She'll be coming around the mountain she she comes…"

I woke up in the middle of night performing the Wild West songs with a very high pulse as if I ran for hours.

I sang number after number and sang for a long time in my dream with the mike in my hand and accompanied by saxophone and trumpets. "Relax", I tell myself, "breave deep". My stomach sings and my mouth is dry.

Maybe I should read something relaxing - like Harry Potter 6? Maybe not.

I stay awake almost all night. Noisy hick ups and I saw 2 movies, 2 comedies in a row.

 4:30 am in the morning.

Out of this mess the road is clear. Nutrition is OK, Gym is OK the road is OK. The only thing my only obstacle is my way of thinking the destructive guilt and disbelief in my own good judgment. My road is stretching clearly ahead of me, I have already walked this path before, I know it! I control it. Nothing is frightening no surprises everything is familiar.

Once I roamed in the land of lack of self confidence, self destruction, self doubt – I leave this road and surface to the bright day light.

I am not down there anymore. No doubts! No hesitations! self confidence! not ashamed! not pleasing! sure of myself professionally:  when I fast when I sing when I manage my work.

Physically capable: at the pool, when I ride the bicycle, when I walk, when I exercise, when I eat I know what to do. I control my menu! the head nutritionist of the clinic said that I am perfect. Emotionally understanding and respecting and loving the little monster, containing her, embracing her. She monster.

Relaxed.

Mentally focusing on the present, clearance, determination, deliberation, consistency, persistence, meditation, all senses awaken.

Spiritually loving.

Creative thought: Maybe I should declare that 17:00 daily is my official monster hour and I will host her in my life with the sweets she likes.

Meeting with the Nutritionist

The meeting with the nutritionist was so nice. "Perfect", she says and looks at the forms that I filled about my eating patterns, "I have no remarks".

What? How can it be? I felt so guilty when I filled up those forms and I did my best to be accurate. I am so overweight. How can it be?

OK we mark a big circle around the binging of 5pm. Here is the weak link. Here is where you have to watch and count.

"Here dwells the monster" I say

"Monster?", She says, "that's interesting. Who is this monster? Why do you call her (Oh then it's a she…) monster? Maybe you should draw her and give her a face?"

Maybe you should get to know her, be friends with her and show her that she belongs. Why not give her the sweets and chocolate she loves so much"?

The nutritionist says: "take a stone and write guilt on it and throw it to the lake.

 Enough of feeling guilty for eating and nourishing yourself with food.

What you do here is perfectly OK, healthy and balanced and will bring good results. Just trust yourself. You are consuming a lot of vegetables and fruit."

And the conversation went on effortlessly. I told her I was bulimic in my youth, I told her about emotional Trans eating. "OK", say says, "I do not recommend a fasting day once a week. Because of your history the best for you would be to stick to a consistent plan of 3 meals a day. Imagine a large Pilates ball that you try to push under the water, from my experience the more you push the ball into the water the more it's resistant will throw it back out of the water and the same with your eating. If you push too hard you'll get a strong resistant and you want be able to control."

She gave me a book of the nutritionist of lady D. who was also bulimic: "Change your eating change your life".

I really must go to swim and think about this refreshing meeting, not at all what I expect. And she also gave a lot of recepies and alternatives to cook and prepare meals from.

It is obvious to me that I will go tomorrow to the art therapy work shop to paint my monster. She monster. I think I will color her with gentle water colors. I think I can love her.

She monster.

Siddharta by Hermann Hesse magic and fasting

17th day 7:30 am
Awake since early morning another one of those nights which I don't sleep well, disturbed by gas and fears.
I pressed again the button calling for the nurse but then I realized I am fine, just a bad dream and I told her on the phone that I am OK.
The process is working! just trust it.
Today I meet the nutritionist twice. First time for a general lecture: how to break the fast and the second meeting is a private consultation.

I am swaying between joy of the nearing end of the fast, fears of how my body will except the new vibrations of food and impatience, wanna be there...
A good loving and supporting message from home really makes my day.
I am so blessed.

and in the lecture the nutritionist had a quote from Siddharta by Hemann Hesse. I used to like this book so much. Used to think of it as a master who guides me. I remember my youth now, my younger self. I can connect in body and soul to my youngest, ageless self. I am the girl that read Siddharta when she was 17.
Fasting makes you feel younger, resetting your program, elevates your soul. Emphasises a better connection to the body, like all part are attached to me now and I am in perfect bliss.
Hemann Hesse, Siddharta:
         " Everyone can perform magic,
            Everyone can reach his goal
                         if she can think,  if she can wait, if she can fast."

                        

I am responsible for my own happiness

18:00 15th day.
Sometimes this narrow part of the Bodensee - lake Constanz reminds me of a wide river in a jungle somewhere deep in Africa or maybe Central America.
In the twilight soft and transparent light I can see the flies gathering jubilantly, enjoying the bliss of this blessed land. Indeed this land is blesses with stillness, a healing power that is within the air.
The birds are singing quietly, calling each other and getting ready for the night.
I sit and start to realize, and even appreciate a little bit this major brave, challenging and difficult choice that I made - coming here to fast and while fasting to face my array of problems - on all levels.
The stress and high blood pressure were on top of the list and made the drama of the first week. Today I woke up with a blood pressure of 120/85.
Then the focus was on my hip - not going to the walking tours. An emotional challenge to accept my reality as it is.
With the new room entered some silence to my fast. I started the massages, some pleasure and relief of tension to body and soul.
I touched heaven one morning and then another drama - my stomach. Candida gets aggressive. (up till now I am not myself).
And today the Osteopath - the first person that addresses my body from within as one complete organism and tries to tie all the different messages together. lower back to left hip. left kidney to right Sterno clavicle. belly scar from Cesarean 4th birth to hip.
I am a peaceful warrior. I acknowledge what battle is facing me when I come back home, battle of my life - to heal my body.

Soul - spirit is healthy optimistic and strong. I love my life. Just wanna be home and live them to the fullest.

Gas versus Spirituality

15th day, 5:00 am
Woke up stressed - but I feel better. Last night I had the same difficulties with my stomach - the gases and the freezing feeling at my upper stomach. But I knew what it is and I had the Iberogast drops to helped me. Calm mind and drops supports enabled me to cope with it. I think I will do colonic irrigation today.
I dreamt about my friends. All of them going out together without inviting us - revenging me for not being available for a long time.
This fast is so difficult and demanding. My process is so intensive! not leaving a single issue untouched(physically, emotionally, mentally). The truth is that I barely roam in the spiritual realms. I think I should point my intentions in those last 4 days that are yet to fast - inward, towards the spiritual zone. That thought alone is so encouraging and lifting me up.



"Yes", said the Colon Hydro Therapist, "It might be Candida. Candida, if it doesn't get fed by sugar(as it used to be fed by a lot of sugar - daily) - gets very aggressive.
I have to remember to take probiotics at the end of the fast and also to stay away from sugar, yeast, dairy (Feta cheese of goat and natural yogurt are OK).
I am relieved. Exhausted but relieved. So many fears and tension during the treatment. Tension pops out in every little crisis, jerking upon a call like an old house elf ready for service

Sunday 25/9/2011

We saw yesterday the movie "Peaceful Warrior".

It's only your ego you have to let go: The letting go of the ego was very well put into a scene were the hero climbs to the roof top of a church in a stormy weather and he is so desperate he wants to kill himself. Out of nowhere pops another "him" , violent, crazy, ugly, dangerous, very aggressive and suddenly the hero realizes that's it's not him who has to jump and therefore to be terrified. It's only his ego that he is letting go and the ego struggles with all its might and all is legitimate…

Other golden themes from the movie are the joy and purposes are in the journey and not in the destination. There is only a collection of now moments. Fulfill your dreams, fight for them, and never give up something you love regardless of its logical chances and just do it not for the gold the trophy that you might get at the end.

I woke up with another stressful dream. I know that I have been dreaming a lot. (All nights – probably a lot of toxins – emotions are cleansing from my system and it's impossible to realize or appreciate during the process. The dreams that are the most stressful ones or the most important for me to acknowledge and address are the dreams that wake me up:

My brother, his wife and small baby are with me at the beach. It's so foggy that we can't see our way back. I know the way – we are close to the stairs that will lead us out of the beach – but he is insisting on going on the wrong direction. I have to save my life or continue arguing with him about what to do… I scream and shout and argue: "don't go there" but it looks like there is no common sense in him. Suddenly he starts to crawl and he is saying: "I have pain in my knees and can't walk."

What? The tide is closing on us?! The weather is hysterically dangerous?! You are here with your wife and baby – yet he cannot fight for himself and for his family

This is so much! an overflow of emotions in my heart – I wake up

98.2 140/85
The week's goal is normalize the blood pressure.
Thanks  God it's raining and foggy. It is only possible to see the first 100 m. I love this weather! not really wishing to go out of bed, not to go out for a walk. Only to hug myself under the warm blankets, hold the hot water bottle and relax. I will follow my body desires and rest. My body resents the gym - doesn't want it anymore so i will not go to the gym until I finish the fasting period. Instead i will swim twice a day in the heated pool. In the pool I feel like in heaven, relaxed. Of course I will do yoga and meditation. Not even Pilates. I hardly bare to talk to people in juice and soup time.
Time to go inside physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually.

Who is this slender energetic lioness in the mirror?

Day number 12:
I wake up at 3:00 am in the middle of an upsetting argument. Oh, I know this toxins - they are from the previous month. I smile and accept it, so calmly, I just watch it like clouds above the lake and try to bid this issue farewell. It might not be so easy. It is sticky and negatively stimulating. I am still attracted to that drama, even if I counteract it's from the same source of energy. Just live my life to fullest, in the present and keep being proactive.

The pure truth is that I can do a half shoulder stand in Yoga: oops and my big butt is inverted facing the ceiling.OMG it is so effortless.
I am so delighted that I can cry of joy. No words can express how miserable I felt without the half shoulder stand in my life.
And who is this slender energetic lioness in the mirror?
The skin!!!
Skin complexion is changing - every passing day it becomes paler and cleaner. It is so rewarding.
I love life.
I love myself.
I love U.
So much energy! I've decided to switch on the computer and post it now.

Fall Equinox -The passing into the next phase

I wake up at 4:20 as an SM'S message entering my cellular (my friend from the Maldives is going to meet me in Zurich next week). I am so calm so quiet. it's dark outside but I can see the light from the other side of the lake.
I remember that in my country it is now 5:20 am. Fall Equinox begins now that means that today the day and the night are exactly the same length. We are passing with the Equinox to the next stage of season, of the year. I am climbing to the next level of my detox...
I wake up at 6:20 alarmed another upsetting dream- again I feel alone, deserted and with no friends. Only everybody else is celebrating having a nice BBQ party right near me and I am in my room, alone.

But I am fine. Blood pressure is normal and I go to swim and then meditate.
The juice is so sweet. The pure vibration of one single juice is intoxicating. (apple, orange, ananas, grapes, pears with raisins).
day number 11 is challenging - my tongue begins to clear at the edges and my empty stomach has something to say.
I live from juice to honey to soup. that's OK.

Cucumber Soup

There are 2 choices the regular vegetables soup and cucumber soup. I knew I prefer the vegetables soup. Who eats cucumber soup? maybe in summer time with Greek yogurt?! Oh I don't want to think about that.. But I couldn't resist myself. After the waitress poured the vegetables soup bowl for me I said (reluctantly) "could I try the cucumber soup?" so she gave me half a glass of cucumber soup in addition to the vegetables soup bowl. I didn't like the cucumber soup but I ate it to the last drop. Tonight I am full.

I woke up today at 6:50 to a gloomy foggy lake. I went to swim at 9:00 am. Only beached whales were swimming in the pool. Sometimes I call myself a beached whale out of love as if I know that I come from another galaxy Atlantis. So when I see the pool with 3-4 overweight persons I smile to myself and think about my friends from the underwater world. The yoga lesson was almost spiritual although I was in contact with my body like I haven't been since many years.
The morning juice is heavenly like nectar of the gods: pear with raisins. So accurate in taste. Divine.
at 12:00 noon we already enjoy the sunshine and it's rays are worming.
Stillness, silence and tranquility finally came to my being. The view from my room is unbelievable. The lake at a distance and a small green garden right underneath.
This is a stable place upon the earth where one can believe in good and in God.
OM Shanty.

A room with a view

Wednesday 21^st of Sep

14:30 in my new room. The afternoon walk will no longer tear my heart to pieces. Yes, unfortunately I cannot walk these wonderful attractive tours yet but I am healing. At least I don't have to hear them going out merrily each afternoon.

The new room is like a dream so quiet with a porch facing the lake, all white and luxurious. I feel my blood pressure issue is leaving the stage(and so do the fear and anger). No more drama and the fast progresses to a higher level of mentality and spirituality. I dive deeper and fly higher.

I am curious to see what will be the result but I can wait. I take pleasure also in the process. I am living in the here and now in the present and ready to enjoy my life and accept myself and my life just as they are.

Emotional flow - the tide waves are getting higher- missing my DAD

Tuesday 2:00am 20/9/2011 Bad dream

My husband didn't take the new anti Biological war musk for my first born child. There is some young children parade in the street and they all wear blue. Behind them arrives another group of children wearing blue but armed with spears they sound extremely violent and suddenly they are attacking they first group. All the men of my family swarm the street and go to defend the younger children and I panic and start to shout to them take care guard each other and hysterically trying to keep an eye contact with each one of them. Of course it is impossible and I wake up…

The previous dream was on the beach, all the family and with the sunset we are climbing above the cliff to get back to the car. There are many steps and everybody is a head of me except my youngest daughter. She is elongating on the first step watching the tide waves coming and kissing her legs. Watching the tide swelling on and  on towards us. Again I fright and call to her please come. She is (surprisingly) abiding me and starting to climb the stairs – I relax.. and then the violent demonstration –

Well,

I did skip the night medicine because I felt so good so now I take it 30 drops of calmvalera and 6 drops of Nifedipin.

I wake up again – this time I hear my heart bits. I feel weak. "You are going to sleep too early" I tell myself. Thank you doctor for giving me all this drops.
I have light in my room, I have a red button, I have drops, I relax easily. Maybe today when I go deeper into the fast, day number 8, I should replace my reading material.

7:00 am.

I had a long and strange dream about my father, who died 13 years ago. I dreamt that he is in LA on a buisness venture and doesn't return home and doesn't call. Our house is in the middle of renovation and I am so angry. One day I tell my mother that I want to speak with him. She gives me his buisness card with the only information she know about where he is. The buiseness card is transparent and you can hardly read the numbers. I wake up and realized that he is gone for more then 13 years.

Taking out blood to calm the blood pressure

Monday morning begun with the phone alarm at 6:50 am. I went to the nurse and complained that my high blood pressure exhausts me (as well as the countless times we check it). This alone can drive a sane person crazy and I am not so balanced right now. Oh, complaining made it rise to 170/100 and I asked that the doctor will see me today. I had a tsunami passing through my existence and mind during the weekend and I wanted her to take care of me. OK. A meeting was set and also I passed through the therapy planning office and changed the concept of my treatments to massage and pleasure only. This change alone cheered me up so well and then I headed to the pool. A Delicious relaxing swim.(blood pressure went down to 150/80. Which is OK.

I met the doctor and she gave me total support for calming down: For the blood pressure Nifedipin drops, for the stress Calmavalera, Lasea(lavender) for relaxation and also she took out 200 ml of blood out of my right arm's vein, in the medical center. I felt great.

Juice, liver pack, rest and meditation.

Now I am resting in my room and still don't hear the sound of silence. My back start to send messages, my left arm is getting numb sometimes and I still feel dizzy and that my head is very heavy.

OK.

That's how Day number 7 looks like with advantages and disadvantages. I lost 4.5kg! That's alone worth everything.

So many days I have been waiting for this journey, for this passage. I am crossing through the dire straits now.

Crisis, frightening Crisis - Healing crisis

 Sunday 12:00 noon

Day number 6: Checking the blood pressure again 140/100 – high! I received 40 drops of Calmvalera to relax myself. I swam enchanted in the heated pool while it was raining lightly. It was not the usual pleasure but I still enjoyed it.

On Saturday I had a big (healing) crisis: at 17:00 pm I exploded with high blood pressure of 200/160. (How can it be?) I received 8 drops of Nifedipin to lower the blood pressure + 40 drops of Calmvalera after the weekend doctor already instructed me to take 1/2 Clonex, my psychiatric calming medicine which I brought from home.

I went to drink the evening soup and to enjoy a video art film of Mary Joe Lafontaine from Belgium.

I came back to my room and kept myself busy, I was quite tired. I took the 2 potions the nurse prepared for me for the night and went to sleep…

I woke up at midnight, hysterical! Crazy with fears and anxiety which I could no longer bare! feeling dizzy and heavy in my head. I was certain that this time it is extremely serious so I just dressed myself up and prepared myself to go to the hospital (I bet my doctor friend at home is now smiling – well it is not the first time in my life that I panic so much and decide that I must evacuate myself immediately to the hospital).

I pushed the red button and awaited the nurse. Suddenly I could no longer bare to see my painting on the wall it was too intensive and too relevant to the way I felt. I took it of the wall and placed it on the table with the painting facing the wall.

And then at the middle of the night – sunshine! To my absolute pleasure the night nurse that entered was Gertrud the art therapist." Yes, I am also a night nurse" she said in her German accent English.

"Hello", she said "why did you take of the painting?" – And she understood exactly what I told her. I knew that she is the right person to heal me; something in me was saying "thank you lord". "Oh," she smiled: "you are not going to the hospital. I already spoke with the doctor and I know exactly what to give you". She gave me another potion and then started doing acupressure to my head. I melted in her hands.

She put rescue drops on my hands and said:"when turmoil comes to my life I say Hello, why are you here what do you want to show me?"

Well, this is a language that I know very well. This is my operation code. "Don’t worry" she said "you are secured. I will be checking you in another hour and give you foot massage". When she came back for the second time the blood pressure was lower and on the third time she said "wow now it's amazing. You are so calm", and massaged the neck muscles that are so stressed that they cause all the numbness feelings in the hands and back. I fell asleep and at 31/2 she was at the door again, taking care of me caressing my hand checking blood pressure while I doze. "Everything is fine" she says "sleep".

I fell asleep and slept very well. The next time I woke up was from the morning alarm calling me to meet the nurse for weight and…. Blood pressure. I was exhausted. I lost a little weight. Maybe all the Drama is around the 100kg. When I chase this number out of my life forever!!! It will be very powerful! I will belong again to the normal world.

My Internet connection was canceled and I take it as an instruction for a media fast. Everybody will understand.

All right! What can I do? I just do it!

I continue with the fast working on the turning point of my life in the best and most professional and secured place I could have found and with staff from my walk of life.

Amazing gracious rainfalls are washing my toxins away. I am so grateful for the cleansing weather that supports my process; this European autumn is a cure to my soul. The driveways and the roads are full with autumn leaves the harsh rain swept them from the tree tops to the ground. My favorite season is now in full power, and Equinox day is getting nearer.

Can't wait to cross the river. "don't cross the river if you can't swim the tide don’t try denying living on the other side..America many years ago.

Bad Dreams

Now I understand that it was very dangerous for me to fast on my own at home. The process is so complicated and I can't supervise myself. So much clinical knowledge is relevant and so many techniques are combined to help me survive this very toxic passage via my stress my high blood pressure and mental stress.
It is Saturday morning, still dark outside and I wake up. The dream became too much to bare. The truth is that there where series of bad dreams one after the other and each one of them is like an arrow straight to my heart my, of course with my greatest fears!
It is hard to breathe - I have to calm myself and relax to catch my breath.
The worst was that my youngest daughter disappeared with a backpack on her back on top of a garbage hill all covered with burning tires with some middle eastern demonstration going on top of that hill.
We waited for my mother in the hotel room and she didn't arrive and when I called her to check what happened she said: "Oh I will not be joining you for the weekend at the Dead Sea because I am taking my favorite grandson to the dentist". The hotel was some pathetic hotel at the middle of Tel Aviv and I just returned to collect Ginger my Shitchu - because I forget her in the room. (The dog was supposed to join us for the weekend in the Dead Sea - which is also a crazy stressful idea, trust me I know).
I left my husband with the other couple that is going with us to the Dead Sea until I collect the dog and then I discovered that I lost the keys and I don't know where my cellular is and have no idea where are my glasses. Oh, at least I could find my glasses in my pocket. I discovered that I am wearing my worst looking black trousers.
Then I see that my daughter is with me and I use her cellular to ring my husband. Another voice is answering. It is his friend that is joining us for the weekend but he sounds happy and intimate as if is my husband's mate and now my husband is empowering him, "we are going to an art workshop together" he tells me...
That is too much!
I wake up****
I have to ask the nurse for some relief.
What is the time? it is 6:20. All right I can wait 40 minutes until the morning weighing.
....
Not surprisingly my blood pressure is high 160/100 and the nurse gives me some homeopathic medicine.
Then the enema - could hardly hold it for 2 minutes.

I will go to the meditation class. and the gym. I will pass through those dire straights.
9:05 I am fine.

Woke up at 5:00 am Stilness at last Hallelujah

I woke up at 5:00 am, didn't know what the hour was. It was still dark outside. The only thing I know, I feel it in my body is the stillness.
Yes, only a few days are between stillness and madness and yet I couldn't have crossed this ocean of my own!
I had to look at my watch to see the time and then I realized - I slept the whole night through and woke up so calm. Hallelujah!
Last night i fell asleep exhausted. My left hand ached and I was wondering (not so relaxed) if my heart is still complaining. But I work and lean so hard on my left hand unconsciously so what should I expect?
After drinking water the stomach is still working, Cleansing process in all power from nose and from my body.
That's OK.

First Day of the Enema

I wake up with a bloated stomach. Feeling a bit stressed. Today is the first day of the enema and as far as I remember I am not the best with holding the water in my body and all the procedure is rather complicated for me to handle.
I go and weigh myself and enjoy another weight loss. Blood pressure is still a little high and I know perfectly well that I am not calm yet. Some issues with my room are not settled. I complained that it is too noisy and all the negotiations with the clinic management are tiring.
The nurse comes and do the enema for me and in 2-3 minutes it is over!?
I am so surprised  - an experience of many years of difficulties is vanished in a second. So this is how it is done. Always try to keep life simple.
Then a wonderful Fennel, Annis and Cinnamon tea for the gas in the stomach and a new day is born.
Simple living.
The 11:30 O'clock juice is delicious: pear and apple and I just want to die of pleasure.
A good swim and I am totally at peace of mind.
Sitting on the Veranda watching the lake at sunset. The lake is peaceful. Serenity engulfs the old wooden houses. The church clock is on time although It is very old.
Swimming relaxes my muscles and soften the hunger moments.
I picked a small edelweiss flower. so beautiful.

Fasting begins - day number 1

I sit at the Park Villa lounge. In front of me I can see the lake through the extremely polished window; Smooth and shining in its blue silky water. The forests, blessed with rainfall kiss the lake. Narrow strips of sand and rocks separate between the waterline and the trees.
It is early morning so only one boat sways gently in the middle of the lake. The tree tops are getting a bit yellowish promising of what is going to come.
The autumn with all it's colors is in the doorway and I can't wait. The season's changing. Fall Equinox is coming and I am ready in body, mind and soul for the change, to reset, rejuvenate, rebirth.
It is good that Avi from the guest relationships pulled me out of my room to hear the lecture...

I woke up with a headache. Yesterday they spread Japanic Mint Oil on my head(all aound the hair line) and gave me an ice pack for my headache and today the nurse gave me black tea (as a reminder of the caffeine to the body) and also said to take the Bicarbonate buffer that will help the body get rid of the acidity from the cleansing process that had already begun.

I forgot, until now, that this is the first night that I slept all night through. I didn't wake up with high pulse, sweat and fear that I am nearly dying or being so sick and can't breave. Underneath the window I can see the roof tops of some wonderful summer houses, large saloons with sunny verandas, birds singing happily and everything is flowering. Trees are loaded with red and green apples. It is a good land. A good place to heal.

I came back to my room and received Glauber salt in lurk warm water to drink (3 glasses) and a glass of nice lemon cherry sweet syrup to make it easier to swallow. This should make me run to the toilet and clean my bowls. One hour later the nurse came again with mint tea that should inspire my intestine to work even harder. I am dizzy and afraid. This is the most difficult part of the detox when you start the process and the detox is intensive - the body is yet very toxic. You might get symptoms of diseases that were in your past, are now in your present and might have been in the future. They all just washing out of your body and the healing process of the fast cures the symptoms and the roots of the diseases but today, day number 1 you begin to feel the symptoms... so suddenly my left arm is burning and I just can feel a heart attack approaching. I lie down and try to figure out what I feel: no pressure on the chest and alas the left arm is relaxing and I can read Harry Potter number 6 (this is the only book that was forgotten in my suitcase) and enjoy stories about wizards in London.

I still feel bloated, heavy and sometimes like ants crawling in my hands.

How I wish I would have the courage to book a massage. It all looks so expensive!! I fantasize about the hairdresser I want to paint and make high lights. Maybe I could be a Blondie when I finish the fast.

Out of the dizziness and the headache - I can begin to feel and hear the stillness of the mind. Getting nearer. Healing the heart.