The meeting with the nutritionist was so nice. "Perfect", she says and looks at the forms that I filled about my eating patterns, "I have no remarks".
What? How can it be? I felt so guilty when I filled up those forms and I did my best to be accurate. I am so overweight. How can it be?
OK we mark a big circle around the binging of 5pm. Here is the weak link. Here is where you have to watch and count.
"Here dwells the monster" I say
"Monster?", She says, "that's interesting. Who is this monster? Why do you call her (Oh then it's a she…) monster? Maybe you should draw her and give her a face?"
Maybe you should get to know her, be friends with her and show her that she belongs. Why not give her the sweets and chocolate she loves so much"?
The nutritionist says: "take a stone and write guilt on it and throw it to the lake.
Enough of feeling guilty for eating and nourishing yourself with food.
What you do here is perfectly OK, healthy and balanced and will bring good results. Just trust yourself. You are consuming a lot of vegetables and fruit."
And the conversation went on effortlessly. I told her I was bulimic in my youth, I told her about emotional Trans eating. "OK", say says, "I do not recommend a fasting day once a week. Because of your history the best for you would be to stick to a consistent plan of 3 meals a day. Imagine a large Pilates ball that you try to push under the water, from my experience the more you push the ball into the water the more it's resistant will throw it back out of the water and the same with your eating. If you push too hard you'll get a strong resistant and you want be able to control."
She gave me a book of the nutritionist of lady D. who was also bulimic: "Change your eating change your life".
I really must go to swim and think about this refreshing meeting, not at all what I expect. And she also gave a lot of recepies and alternatives to cook and prepare meals from.
It is obvious to me that I will go tomorrow to the art therapy work shop to paint my monster. She monster. I think I will color her with gentle water colors. I think I can love her.