Sunday 25/9/2011

We saw yesterday the movie "Peaceful Warrior".

It's only your ego you have to let go: The letting go of the ego was very well put into a scene were the hero climbs to the roof top of a church in a stormy weather and he is so desperate he wants to kill himself. Out of nowhere pops another "him" , violent, crazy, ugly, dangerous, very aggressive and suddenly the hero realizes that's it's not him who has to jump and therefore to be terrified. It's only his ego that he is letting go and the ego struggles with all its might and all is legitimate…

Other golden themes from the movie are the joy and purposes are in the journey and not in the destination. There is only a collection of now moments. Fulfill your dreams, fight for them, and never give up something you love regardless of its logical chances and just do it not for the gold the trophy that you might get at the end.

I woke up with another stressful dream. I know that I have been dreaming a lot. (All nights – probably a lot of toxins – emotions are cleansing from my system and it's impossible to realize or appreciate during the process. The dreams that are the most stressful ones or the most important for me to acknowledge and address are the dreams that wake me up:

My brother, his wife and small baby are with me at the beach. It's so foggy that we can't see our way back. I know the way – we are close to the stairs that will lead us out of the beach – but he is insisting on going on the wrong direction. I have to save my life or continue arguing with him about what to do… I scream and shout and argue: "don't go there" but it looks like there is no common sense in him. Suddenly he starts to crawl and he is saying: "I have pain in my knees and can't walk."

What? The tide is closing on us?! The weather is hysterically dangerous?! You are here with your wife and baby – yet he cannot fight for himself and for his family

This is so much! an overflow of emotions in my heart – I wake up

98.2 140/85
The week's goal is normalize the blood pressure.
Thanks  God it's raining and foggy. It is only possible to see the first 100 m. I love this weather! not really wishing to go out of bed, not to go out for a walk. Only to hug myself under the warm blankets, hold the hot water bottle and relax. I will follow my body desires and rest. My body resents the gym - doesn't want it anymore so i will not go to the gym until I finish the fasting period. Instead i will swim twice a day in the heated pool. In the pool I feel like in heaven, relaxed. Of course I will do yoga and meditation. Not even Pilates. I hardly bare to talk to people in juice and soup time.
Time to go inside physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually.