Sunday 12:00 noon
Day number 6: Checking the blood pressure again 140/100 – high! I received 40 drops of Calmvalera to relax myself. I swam enchanted in the heated pool while it was raining lightly. It was not the usual pleasure but I still enjoyed it.
On Saturday I had a big (healing) crisis: at 17:00 pm I exploded with high blood pressure of 200/160. (How can it be?) I received 8 drops of Nifedipin to lower the blood pressure + 40 drops of Calmvalera after the weekend doctor already instructed me to take 1/2 Clonex, my psychiatric calming medicine which I brought from home.
I went to drink the evening soup and to enjoy a video art film of Mary Joe Lafontaine from Belgium.
I came back to my room and kept myself busy, I was quite tired. I took the 2 potions the nurse prepared for me for the night and went to sleep…
I woke up at midnight, hysterical! Crazy with fears and anxiety which I could no longer bare! feeling dizzy and heavy in my head. I was certain that this time it is extremely serious so I just dressed myself up and prepared myself to go to the hospital (I bet my doctor friend at home is now smiling – well it is not the first time in my life that I panic so much and decide that I must evacuate myself immediately to the hospital).
I pushed the red button and awaited the nurse. Suddenly I could no longer bare to see my painting on the wall it was too intensive and too relevant to the way I felt. I took it of the wall and placed it on the table with the painting facing the wall.
And then at the middle of the night – sunshine! To my absolute pleasure the night nurse that entered was Gertrud the art therapist." Yes, I am also a night nurse" she said in her German accent English.
"Hello", she said "why did you take of the painting?" – And she understood exactly what I told her. I knew that she is the right person to heal me; something in me was saying "thank you lord". "Oh," she smiled: "you are not going to the hospital. I already spoke with the doctor and I know exactly what to give you". She gave me another potion and then started doing acupressure to my head. I melted in her hands.
She put rescue drops on my hands and said:"when turmoil comes to my life I say Hello, why are you here what do you want to show me?"
Well, this is a language that I know very well. This is my operation code. "Don’t worry" she said "you are secured. I will be checking you in another hour and give you foot massage". When she came back for the second time the blood pressure was lower and on the third time she said "wow now it's amazing. You are so calm", and massaged the neck muscles that are so stressed that they cause all the numbness feelings in the hands and back. I fell asleep and at 31/2 she was at the door again, taking care of me caressing my hand checking blood pressure while I doze. "Everything is fine" she says "sleep".
I fell asleep and slept very well. The next time I woke up was from the morning alarm calling me to meet the nurse for weight and…. Blood pressure. I was exhausted. I lost a little weight. Maybe all the Drama is around the 100kg. When I chase this number out of my life forever!!! It will be very powerful! I will belong again to the normal world.
My Internet connection was canceled and I take it as an instruction for a media fast. Everybody will understand.
All right! What can I do? I just do it!
I continue with the fast working on the turning point of my life in the best and most professional and secured place I could have found and with staff from my walk of life.
Amazing gracious rainfalls are washing my toxins away. I am so grateful for the cleansing weather that supports my process; this European autumn is a cure to my soul. The driveways and the roads are full with autumn leaves the harsh rain swept them from the tree tops to the ground. My favorite season is now in full power, and Equinox day is getting nearer.
Can't wait to cross the river. "don't cross the river if you can't swim the tide don’t try denying living on the other side..America many years ago.